My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
