You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
