Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
