Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
