4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
