I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
