So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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