just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
