Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
