Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
