Screwed.edu
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
