Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
