Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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