I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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