Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
