I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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