this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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