He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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