How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
