put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
