Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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