I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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