Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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