When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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