how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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