ugly people sure do ruin things
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
