Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
3pm strippers are depressing
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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