My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
