i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
