Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
