I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
