We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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