are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
