I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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