just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Randomize
