I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
