Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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