I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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