Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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