I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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