the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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