I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
