My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
