Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
