you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
