his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
