I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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