No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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