Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
bring money and cleavage
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It's never too late to be topless.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
