And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize