go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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