I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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