I'm really into asian looking animals
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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