I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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