Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
