You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Found your dick twin last night
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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