You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
