Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
