as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
