It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Ladies don't puke and tell
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
