I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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