i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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