so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
