I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
