I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
