Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
