drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
