we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
