Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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