If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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