i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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